


fine, numb really

by orphan_account



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Bad Poetry, Eating Disorder, Heavy Angst, ambiguous ending, and implied trauma, could be literally anyone, p dark, please dont read if triggering, please stay safe guys, there is no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 01:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15232341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he thinks he lost a battle he was supposed to win





	fine, numb really

**Author's Note:**

> this one is pretty dark and heavy, as it deals with relapsing and if mentions of b*limia/a*orexia trigger any one please don't read this.
> 
> also this isn't how all eating disorders are, this is just my interpretation of it.
> 
> please, stay safe

out of all the things he can imagine that would cause him to relapse, this is not one of them.  
  
but here he is. once again, best friends with cold white porcelain and sweaty skin.  
  
he’s also thoroughly confused as to how younghyun asking how he slept could cause him to rush to the bathroom, bile rising from his empty stomach and his mind beginning to race.  
  
it’s not like he’s a stranger to clenching sides and a burning throat, to a hazy mind. but to everyone else in the dorm he is, because they don’t know.  
  
he doesn’t think they need to, it wasn’t supposed to happen again.  
  
but it has, and they will know.  
  
-  
_paint me pretty pictures on a ruined canvas_  
-  
  
it’s when he feels a gentle hand on his back that he realizes he didn’t close the door.  
  
he looks up, meets younghyun’s eyes.  
  
smiles weakly.  
  
and apologizes.  
  
younghyun shakes his head, saying this was nothing to apologize about, everyone gets sick.  
  
he almost laughs. instead, shrugging in the harsh bathroom light.  
  
younghyun offers to makes him something to eat, something gentle on the stomach.  
  
he knows he should say yes, give his body something anything to hold on to.  
  
but there’s a part of him that says no.  
  
and he listens.  
  
so he shakes his head, saying he’ll probably end up throwing it up anyways.  
  
younghyun makes a sound. he isn’t sure what it means.  
  
but then the hand is gone and he is left alone.  
  
-  
_show me the way the scars and stains break, spread under your gentle touch_  
-  
  
two days pass and he still hasn’t eaten.  
  
he’s running out of time and it can no longer be passed as illness.  
  
younghyun knows it and everyone else does too.  
  
he knows he can’t pretend anymore.  
  
he sips lukewarm water, his hands shake.  
  
-  
_you ask me why, a brush in your hand_  
-  
  
day four and there’s soup.  
  
he doesn’t know who made it or where it came from but his body wants it.  
  
craves it.  
  
his mind, on the other hand.  
  
a hurricane.  
  
please  
_don’t_  
just  
_you_  
a  
_fucking_  
spoonful  
_dare_  
  
he’s cold.  
  
-  
_i say, because no matter what you’ll make it beautifu_ l  
-  
  
a few hours and everyone’s asleep.  
  
and he’s on his knees.  
  
he’s had nothing but water but he’s still so afraid.  
  
so so scared.  
  
he thinks, it was never this bad.  
  
he gasps for breath.  
  
he thinks, what am i doing.  
  
-  
_you ask, then why does it hurt?_  
-  
  
he wakes up in the bathroom.  
  
the floor is cold.  
  
he is cold.  
  
younghyun’s eyes are cold.

he says it’s 4:35 in the morning. asks him why he’s still awake.  
  
he shrugs, says he’s sick remember?  
  
he’s never heard a laugh so sharp as the one that leaves younghyun’s mouth.  
  
says, listen.  
  
in all honesty, four days isn’t long.  
  
but it’s the way you carry it, so familiarly. letting it weigh you down like a man with nothing to lose.  
  
he stays silent, younghyun asks if he was ever sick.  
  
he says not in the way you would’ve wanted.  
  
-  
_i say, how can something so beautiful not?_  
-

**Author's Note:**

> although the main character in this doesn't get the support he needs, just remember that if any of you are struggling, there is always some who loves you and is willing to listen.
> 
> my [twitter](https://twitter.com/mrkhyckh) dms are always open and i am willing to talk to anyone who needs it.
> 
> remember that you are loved and are important.


End file.
